"I think I have a naive team. They are naive because they are pure and they are clean. We don't have divers, we don't have violent people."
Jose Mourinho on his clean-living Chelsea boys, following their dodgy penalty against Liverpool.
"If Chelsea are naive and pure then I'm Little Red Riding Hood."
Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez disagrees.
"We're playing a different way this year - a different football, a different smell."
Mourinho hopes to come up smelling of roses again.
"It's a big four minutes for Chris Hutchings. He's five minutes away from his first win."
Andy Gray on the Wigan manager.
"How old is he, 36, 37? Still a top footballer, isn't he?"
Jamie Redknapp on Kanu, who's just turned 31.
"I bet that was one of those times for Hleb when he wishes he had one of those Inspector Gadget extendable legs which he could use by pressing a button on his hip and it would bring the ball down enabling him to score... unfortunately he doesn't."
BBC London commentator on Arsenal's Alexander Hleb.
"Nugent and Vidic have just had a bit of a tutu there."
Paul Merson commentating on the Man Utd-Portsmouth game, presumably meaning a 'set-to' rather than a ballet dress.
"Man Utd are completely outclassing Portsmouth, and I don't see them having any problem winning this one..." (five second pause) "... one-all".
Merson giving his opinion on how the Pompey-Man U game was going.
"He is different from our other strikers... he can score goals."
Rafael Benitez on Andrei Voronin.
"Chopra's pulled off Chimbonda beautifully there."
Alan Shearer on Match of the Day describing Michael Chopra's late winner for Sunderland v Spurs.
"Don't hoover up while Chelsea are playing because if you knock the telly, Robben will fall over."
Former Dutch international Ruud Gullit quotes chaos theory scientists to give his verdict on Chelsea!
"Tottenham haven't created many chances, Robbie Keane's flashed a couple of times but nothing more."
Andy Gray during the Spurs-Everton match.
"Anton Ferdinand on Championship Manager."
Bobby Zamora in West Ham's matchday programme when asked the worst thing he has ever bought.